Dave’s Daily Quotes

[prior to 1914, almost anyone was allowed to immigrate to the USA at any time]  …Because it is one thing to have free immigration to jobs. It is another thing to have free immigration to welfare. And you cannot have both. If you have a welfare state, if you have a state in which every…

Monogamy: A belief so strong that millions of people end perfectly good relationships in order to start another. ~ Anonymous

To err is human–but it feels divine. ~ Mae West

There’s a growing sense that even if the future comes, most of us won’t be able to afford it.

All you touch and  all you see Is all your life will ever be. ~ Pink Floyd (Breathe)

There’s no wrong way to eat Rhesus pieces.

Now I lay me down to sleep I hear the sirens in the street All my dreams are made of chrome I have no way to get back home — Tom Waits

New Racy Miley Cyrus Photos Leaked.  Hmmph.  Seriously? If you really want to shock us, leak some photos where she’s reading a book!

Women fall in love by what they hear. Men fall in love by what they see. That’s why most of the women put on make up and most of the men lie.

Just got a job helping a one-armed typist do capital letters. It’s shift work.

M & M’s. Why are they so hard to peel?

Duct tape–finding a cure to noise pollution, one mouth at a time.

Then I said no, officer, I’m not slurring my speech.  I’m speaking in cursive.

My life would make one really good Soap Opera, or at least four really bad country songs.  

On days like today I like to go outside, take a moment to enjoy the sunset and realize how fragile we are when there’s nothing on TV.

When bankers get together for dinner, they discuss art. When artists get together for dinner, they discuss money. ~ Oscar Wilde

I’m convinced that it’s energy and humor. The two of them combined equal charm.~ Judith Krantz

Midgets are the last to know when it’s raining. ~ Larry Tucker

I’ve developed a new philosophy… I only dread one day at a time.- Charles Schultz

Somebody is out there somewhere thinking of you and the impact you made in their life.  It’s not me; I think you’re an idiot. ~ Anonymous

What did the instructor at the school for Kamikaze pilots say to his students?  Watch closely. I’m only going to do this once.

Love: When you take a bubble bath together Lust: When you take a bath in Jell-O together Marriage: When you give the kids a bath   Love: A romantic candle-light dinner for two Lust: “Do I have to buy you dinner first?” Marriage: 4 Happy Meals . . . to go   Love: Giving your…

Q. Why are married women heavier than single women? A. Single women come home, see what’s in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what’s in bed, and then go to the fridge.

If Sondra Locke married Elliott Ness, then divorced him to marry Herman Munster, she’d become Sondra Locke Ness Munster.   If Olivia Newton-John married Wayne Newton, then divorced him to marry Elton John, she’d be Olivia Newton-John Newton John.   If Jack Handy (SNL writer) married Andy Capp then married Jack Paar, then moved on…

Easy:  A term used to describe a woman who has the morals of a man.