Dave’s Daily Quotes

Christmas:  When you exchange hellos with strangers and good buys with friends.

Q:  What would it take to make you kiss me under the mistletoe? A:  An anesthetic. What did the reindeer say before launching into his comedy routine? This will sleigh you. What do you call the fear of getting stuck in a chimney? Santaclaustrophobia What do you get when you cross an archer with a…

One Christmas, Joe and Peter built a skating rink in the middle of a field. A shepherd leading his flock decided to take a shortcut across the rink. The sheep, however, were afraid of the ice and wouldn’t cross it. Desperate, the shepherd began tugging them to the other side.  ‘Look at that,’ ‘remarked Peter…

Look at those cows and remember that the greatest scientists have never discovered how to turn grass into milk. ~ Michael Pupin     ++

A counterfeiter is the only man whose wife never complains that he doesn’t make enough money.  ++

I’m not confused. I’m just well mixed. ~ Robert Frost

A classic is a book that has never finished saying what it has to say.

There is no one so old as to not think they may live a day longer. ~ Cicero

Why is it that so many church members who say “Our Father” on Sunday go around the rest of the week acting like orphans?

An old-timer is one who remembers when you did not start to shop for Christmas until after Thanksgiving.

O for the good old days when people would stop Christmas shopping when they ran out of money!

One thing about Christmas shopping–it toughens you up for the January sales.

A Christmas shopper’s complaint is one of long-standing.

“A lot of Christmas gifts are mis-mailed every year, and a lot more should be.”

After you’ve spent all your money on Christmas gifts, the one gift you are sure to receive is a wallet.

Some Christmas gifts are just what a woman needs to exchange for what she wants.

Nothing destroys the Christmas spirit faster than looking for a place to park.

Do your Christmas shopping late so as to avoid the early rush.

Some people have such a talent for making the best of a bad situation that they go around creating bad situations so they can make the best of them. ~ Jean Kerr

A.A.A.A.A.:   An organization for drunks who drive.    ++

Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.

Don’t boast about projects in progress.  Celebrate their completion. ~ Walker Lamond

Sign at a Chicago radiator shop:  Best place in town to take a leak.

For those who have experienced the joy no explanation is necessary.  For those who haven’t, no explanation is possible.

In a world where everything is ridiculous, nothing can be ridiculed. You cannot unmask a mask. ~ G. K. Chesterton