Dave’s Daily Quotes

My wife and I have an agreement…I don’t try to run her life, and I don’t try to run my life.

Sometimes the unicorn isn’t a unicorn; it’s just a donkey with a plunger on its face.

I’m always a bit disappointed when I see a Kia Soul and there is no hamster driving it.  

Just spent an hour at Wal-Mart and I no longer believe in evolution.

Just read that California leads the nation in depression cases and adultery. What a sad state of affairs.

I think spell check is for the week.

Modern tragedy:  Dumb people with smart phones.

There is no such thing as being under dressed when you’re going to Wal-Mart.

Ever just seem to not be able to get around to procrastinating?  

Do witches run spell checkers?  

Thunder is good, thunder is impressive; but it is the lightning that does the work.  ~ Mark Twain  

I can’t say as ever I was lost, but I was bewildered once for three days.  ~ Daniel Boone  

Advice to children crossing the street:  Damn the lights.  Watch the cars.  The lights ain’t never killed nobody.  ~ Moms Mabley  

Do something unusual today.  Accomplish work on the computer.

Conscience gets a lot of credit that belongs to cold feet. ~ American proverb  

Compassion is the basis of all morality. ~ Arthur Schopenhauer  

Butterflies.  If you throw it.  

BREAKFAST.COM Halted … Cereal Port Not Responding  

A word is not a crystal, transparent and unchanging, it is the skin of a living thought and may vary greatly in colour and content according to the circumstances and time in which it is used. ~  Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.  

Did you hear about the biologist who had twins?  She baptized one and kept the other as a control.  

We just hired a molecular biologist.  Man, is he small.  

Never express yourself more clearly than you think. ~ Niels Bohr

There are some things so serious you have to laugh at them.  

Quicksand only works slowly.  

We are not strangers to ourselves; we only try to be. ~ Dean Koontz