Dave’s Daily Quotes

Do molecular biologists wear designer genes?  

Curious aspect of the theory of evolution is that everybody thinks he understands it. ~ Jacques Monod

Q:  Where is the ocean the deepest? A:  On the bottom.  

People who insist on drinking before driving, are putting the quart before the hearse. ~ G.K. Chesterton

I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies.  Now I’m good at everything. ~ Demetri Martin  

Whatever you get paid attention for is never what you think is most important about yourself. ~ David Foster Wallace  

It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche  

Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect. ~ Mark Twain  

It’s like, a family doesn’t work anymore when everyone in it is more miserable than they would be if they were alone, you know?” ~ Zadie Smith  

You don’t have favorites among your children, but you do have allies.  ~ Zadie Smith  

The greatest lie ever told about love is that it sets you free. ~ Zadie Smith  

The past is always tense, the future perfect. ~ Zadie Smith  

But everyone disappears, no matter who loves them. ~ Dave Eggers  

It was the kind of love you can only feel toward someone you don’t actually know. ~ Chuck Klosterman  

I love the way music inside a car makes you feel invisible; if you play the stereo at max volume, it’s almost like the other people can’t see into your vehicle.  It tints your windows, somehow. ~ Chuck Klosterman  

People who talk about their dreams are actually trying to tell you things about themselves they’d never admit in normal conversation. ~ Chuck Klosterman  

And it’s not “clever lonely” (like Morrissey) or “interesting lonely” (like Radiohead), it’s “lonely, lonely” like the way it feels when you’re being hugged by someone and it somehow makes you sadder. ~ Chuck Klosterman  

Deus, dona mihi firmitatem.  

As long as the world is turning and spinning, we’re gonna be dizzy and we’re gonna make mistakes. ~ Mel Brooks  

This used to be a government of checks and balances.  Now it’s all checks and no balances. ~ Gracie Allen  

I don’t want to own anything that won’t fit into my coffin. ~ Fred Allen  

To all you virgins, thanks for nothing.  

Many years ago I chased a woman for almost two years, only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: we both were crazy about girls. ~ Groucho Marx  

You know our education system has problems when Hallmark comes out with a new line of “Easy-to-Read” graduation cards.  

I’m not cheap, but I am on special this week.