Dave’s Daily Quotes

I do my best proofreading right after I hit send.  

Chicken pot pie sounds like a good idea. If you add commas.  

Inflation hasn’t ruined everything.  A dime can still be used as a screwdriver. ~ H. Jackson Brown, Jr.  

I’m no different from anybody else with two arms, two legs, and forty-two-hundred hits. ~ Pete Rose    

I told my wife we don’t communicate well. She told me to shut up.  

…if you’re too loyal to your own suffering, you forget that others suffer, too. ~ Teju Cole  

There is no how it is, only how it is for you. ~ Tim Brownson  

We experience life as a continuity, and only after it falls away, after it becomes the past, do we see its discontinuities.  The past, if there is such a thing, is mostly empty space, great expanses of nothing, in which significant persons and events float. ~ Teju Cole  

The divorce rate among my socks is astonishing.  

Did you know it’s impossible to say “Good Eye, Might” without sounding Australian?  (Honestly, how many times did you try?)  

They also surf who only stand on waves.

In most instances, all an argument proves is that two people are present.  

You will pay for your sins.  If you have already paid, please disregard this notice.  

Hell is eternal, just like your marriage is supposed to be. ~ RescueMarriage.Org  

You can’t teach people to be lazy; either they have it or they don’t. ~ Dagwood Bumstead  

Today is the last day of your life, so far.

It is now quite lawful for a Catholic woman to avoid pregnancy by a resort to mathematics, though she is still forbidden to resort to physics and chemistry. ~ H.L. Mencken  

Mentioning Jesus in speeches is small government.   Doing what Jesus asks is big government. ~ Stephen Colbert  

Notice that the younger generation doesn’t knock on doors?  They call or text to let you know they’re outside.  

I believe in sharing the road with other drivers. You can have all of it that is behind me.

To find your Robot Name, take the first 16 digits of your credit card and combine with the expiration date and security code. What’s yours?  

Seen on a baby bib:  This dummy put my cape on backwards.  

I’m not arguing.  I’m simply explaining why I’m right.

It’s not denial. I’m just selective about the reality I accept.  

FACEBOOK: The second most popular word that starts with “F” and ends with “K.”