Dave’s Daily Quotes

If you have to keep thinking outside the box, maybe something is wrong with the box. ~ Malcolm Gladwell

If, after I depart this vale, you ever remember me and have thought to please my ghost, forgive some sinner and wink your eye at some homely girl.  ~ H.L. Mencken

Remember that everyone you meet is afraid of something, loves something and has lost something. ~ H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Governments never learn. Only people learn. ~ Milton Friedman

In the beginner’s mind there are many possibilities, but in the expert’s mind there are few. ~ Shunryu Suzuki

Sunglasses allow an individual to stare at people without them knowing. It is Facebook in real life.

The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue. ~ Oscar Levant

There is a thin line between genius and insanity.  I have erased this line. ~ Oscar Levant

I envy people who drink–at least they know what to blame everything on. ~ Oscar Levant

I was once thrown out of a mental hospital for depressing the other patients. ~ Oscar Levant

What the world needs is more geniuses with humility and there are so few of us left. ~ Oscar Levant

We are faced with insurmountable opportunities. ~ Walt Kelly

My wife can’t have children. She’s inconceivable.

I used to think I could pass gas silently until I got my hearing aid.

Cult: a small unpopular religion. Religion: a large popular cult.

I no longer need to punish, deceive, or compromise myself. Unless, of course, I want to stay employed.

I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else’s fault.

1.  Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mom? 2.  Don’t bother me. I’m living happily ever after. 3. Do I look like a freakin’ people person? 4. This isn’t an office-It’s Hell with fluorescent lighting. 5. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me. 6. I’ve found Jesus. He was…

If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

If you’re ever in doubt, throw a pepper in the air. If it fails to come down, you have gone mad, so don’t trust in anything. ~ Gregory Maguire

How did they ever get the permit to create the world? ~ Stanislaw J. Lec

Long fairy tales have a tendency to dragon.

What you seize is what you get.

A long knife has been invented that cuts four loaves of bread at a time; it’s called a four loaf cleaver.

Nylons give women a run for their money.