Dave’s Daily Quotes

What’s longer than Kim Kardashian’s marriage? Justin Bieber’s chest hair.

When someone prays for a flood to stop, they’re basically saying, “God, dam it.”

If ‘No’ is not an acceptable answer, don’t ask.

Filled with mingled cream and amber I will drain that glass again. Such hilarious visions clamber through the chamber of my brain Quaintest thoughts – queerest fancies come to life and fade away. What care I how time advances? I am drinking ale today. ~ Edgar Allan Poe

 Think about what you could learn from your dog: – When loved ones come home, always run to greet them. – Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride. – When it’s in your best interest, practice obedience. – Let others know when they’ve invaded your territory. – Take naps and stretch before…

Reality is whatever doesn’t go away after you stop believing in it. ~ Philip K. Dick

When you find yourself in the company of a halfling and an ill-tempered Dragon, remember you do not have to outrun the Dragon…

It is our responsibilities, not ourselves, that we should take seriously. ~ Peter Ustinov

I think we consider too much the good luck of the early bird, and not enough the bad luck of the early worm. ~ Franklin D. Roosevelt

Good people drink good beer. ~ Hunter S. Thompson

Ritual is what we do when we run out of rational. ~ Gregory House

The wise know their weakness too well to assume infallibility; and he who knows most, knows best how little he knows. ~ Thomas Jefferson

Women, you are only helpless while your nail polish is wet.  Even then you could pull a trigger if you had to… ~ Anonymous

Too many decisions are measured with a micrometer, marked with chalk, and cut with an ax.

Where did bigots get the idea that God is as small-minded as they are? ~ Wolfman Jack

What is the probability that something will happen according to the odds?

I always wanted to be a procrastinator!

Santa scrambled is Satan.  Coincidence?  I think not!

Some days I think I’m a wheel short of a unicycle.

 “Live Long and Prosper”  ~ Vulcan proverb “And Eat Well” ~Jewish addendum to Vulcan proverb “Feast On Your Enemies!” ~ Klingon interpretation of Jewish addendum to Vulcan proverb

 Remember the famous quote from a writer to a sniping critic: “Where were you when the page was blank?”

With friends like these, who needs to hallucinate?

God has angels to help with her work, the devil has politicians. ~ Anonymous

That’s what desire IS. The need for what we can’t have. The need for what’s readily available is called greed. ~ Mike Carey

Confidence is 10 percent hard work and 90 per cent delusion. ~ Tina Fey