Dave’s Daily Quotes

YAWN:  The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth. ~ Anonymous

YAWN:  An honest opinion openly expressed. ~ Anonymous

SECRET:  Something you tell to one person at a time. ~ Anonymous

RAISIN:  Grape with a sunburn

EYE CONTACT:  A method utilized by a single woman to communicate to a man that she is interested in him.  Despite being advised to do so, many women have difficulty looking a man directly in the eyes, not necessarily due to the shyness, but usually due to the fact that a woman’s eyes are not…

Answering “Who was that on the phone?” with “Nobody” is never going to end that conversation. ~ Anonymous    ++

Chivalry and feminism are NOT mutually exclusive. ~ Anonymous

Did You Hear About The Dyslexic Satanist? He Sold His Soul to Santa    ++

“Give me a sentence about a public servant,” said a teacher. The small boy wrote: “The fireman came down the ladder pregnant.” The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. “Don’t you know what pregnant means?” she asked. Sure,” said the young boy confidently. “It means carrying a child.”

I understand my tests are popular reading in the teachers’ lounge. ~ Calvin

To make a bad day worse, spend it wishing for the impossible. ~ Calvin

I go to school, but I never learn what I want to know. ~ Calvin

People have to talk about something just to keep their voice boxes in working order so they’ll have good voice boxes in case there’s ever anything really meaningful to say. ~ Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.

Just because some of us can read and write and do a little math, that doesn’t mean we deserve to conquer the Universe. ~ Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.

True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country. ~ Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.

Like so many Americans, she was trying to construct a life that made sense from things she found in gift shops. ~ Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.

If God doesn’t destroy Hollywood Boulevard, he owes Sodom and Gomorrah an apology. ~ Jay Leno

A day can really slip by when you’re deliberately avoiding what you’re supposed to do. ~ Calvin

You know how Einstein got bad grades as a kid? Well, mine are even worse! ~ Calvin

I had resolved to be less offended by human nature, but I think I blew it already. ~ Hobbes

Things are never quite as scary when you’ve got a best friend. ~ Calvin

I have such poor vision I can date anybody. ~ Garry Shandling

Lawyers are men whom we hire to protect us from lawyers. ~ Elbert Hubbard

The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue of Liberty.”~ Woody Allen

I’m not feeling myself today…perhaps I should feel someone else… ~ Anonymus