Dave’s Daily Quotes

Beauty is only skin deep and the world is full of thin skinned people. ~ Anonymous

If your outgo exceeds your income, then your upkeep will be your downfall. ~ Anonymous

The difference between Niagara and Viagra is that Niagara Falls. ~ Anonymous

I misplaced my dictionary, now I’m at a loss for words. ~ Anonymous

Did you hear about the midget that overdosed on Viagra? He’s a little stiff now. ~ Anonymous

A speech is like a bicycle wheel–the longer the spoke, the greater the tire. ~ Anonymous

The difference between champ and chump is U. ~ Anonymous

He is dark and handsome. When it’s dark, he’s handsome. ~ Anonymous

Palindromes date all the way back to Eve. ~ Anonymous

I got a postcard from a blonde friend of mine.  It said, Having a good time. Where am I? ~ Anonymous

I toss and turn for hours until I realize that making a salad isn’t going to relax me. ~ Anonymous

Sex is nobody’s business except for the three people involved. ~ Anonymous

You don’t learn anything the second time a mule kicks you. ~ Anonymous

You’re driving a car. It isn’t a telephone booth, a beauty parlor or a restaurant. ~ Anonymous

Veni, vidi, visa. = I came. I saw. I did a little shopping. Veni, vidi, velcro = I came, I saw, I stuck around. Vidi, vici, veni. = I saw, I conquered, I came. ~ Ummm, Julius Ceasar and others?

The web isn’t better than sex, but sliced bread is in serious trouble. ~ Anonymous

The only job you start at the top is digging a hole. ~ Anonymous

Spelling is a lossed art. ~ Anonymous

Resistance isn’t futile; it’s voltage divided by amperage. ~ Anonymous

Quando omni flunkus moritati.  (Latin for “when all else fails, play dead.”)

Old age is nothing to worry about…for wine and cheese.  ~ Dave Matthews

No one dies a virgin, life screws them all. ~ Anonymous

Never waste a lie when the truth will do. ~ Jack Clancy

Never buy a car you can’t push. ~ Anonymous

I must obey the inscrutable exhortations of my soul. ~ Calvin