Dave’s Daily Quotes

To err is human, to arr is pirate. ~ Anonymous

A religious war is like children fighting over who has the strongest imaginary friend. ~ Anonymous

Are you gaining intelligence if your wisdom teeth are smarting?  ~ Dave Matthews

I find it sad that I’ve always been so beautiful but people only loved me for my mind. ~ Dave Matthews

An apple a day keeps the doctor away.  With a bushel of apples you can have a heck of a time with the doctor’s wife. ~ Dave Matthews

…so then she said, “Why don’t you just move the account to a bank that does have sufficient funds?” ~ Dave Matthews

Children’s underwear:  Fruit of the Loom for fruit of the womb. ~ Dave Matthews

Objectivity is a bias. ~ Dave Matthews

Bio-terriers cause cynophobia. ~ Dave Matthews

Seems like nothing is so expensive as another man’s vices. ~ Dave Matthews

An ounce of Canadian Club or Jack Daniels Black, an ounce of hot water, a teaspoon of lemon, and a tablespoon of honey. It’s called a Hot Toddy, and is an old Southern cold/flu remedy. ~  Dave Matthews

Have you seen the dyslexic sharpshooter’s new gnu?  ~ Dave Matthews

Every man has his price. Mine is $3.95. ~ Anonymous

Everyone is beautiful if you squint a bit. ~ Anonymous

Hey, you want to go out for pizza and some sex?  What, you don’t like pizza? ~ Anonymous

I know I’m paranoid, but am I paranoid enough? ~ Tom Clancy

It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating. ~ Oscar Wilde

Money should be utilized as a tool. You just gotta know which nuts to screw. ~ Anonymous

I’ve taken a vow of poverty. To annoy me send money. ~ Anonymous

My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they’re in August. ~ Anonymous

The Formula for a Happy Marriage:  It’s the same as the one for living in California:  When you find a fault, don’t dwell on it. ~ Anonymous

The definition of henpecked:  A sterile husband afraid to tell his pregnant wife. ~ Anonymous

Sign in a grocery store:  Take lettuce from top of stack, or heads will roll! ~ Anonymous

Smoking helps you lose weight…one lung at a time. ~ Anonymous

It’s not pretty being easy. ~ Anonymous