Dave’s Daily Quotes

As memory may be a paradise from which we cannot be driven, it may also be a hell from which we cannot escape. ~ John Lancaster Spalding

I can’t listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland. ~ Woody Allen

What a Difference a Century Makes.  In the summer of 1900… The average life expectancy in the United States was 47. Only 14% of the homes in the United States had a bathtub. Only 8% of the homes had a telephone. A three-minute call from Denver to New York City cost $11. There were only…

For the 66% of American’s who admit to reading in the bathroom, the preferred reading material is “Reader’s Digest.”

Offered a new pen to write with, 97% of all people will write their own name.

In 1963, baseball pitcher Gaylord Perry remarked, “They’ll put a man on the moon before I hit a home run.” On July 20, 1969, a few hours after Neil Armstrong set foot on the moon, Gaylord Perry hit his first, and only, home run.    ++

The state of Florida is bigger than England!

One beaver can cut down as many as 216 trees per year.

One in every 2000 babies is born with a tooth. One in every 9000 people is an albino.

Maine is the only state in the United States whose name has one syllable.

Luther Crowell invented the paper bag in 1867.

Lou Gehrig earned a total of $316,000 during his 17 year career with the New York Yankees.  In 1992, a fan paid $363,000 for a Yankee jersey that Gehrig wore during the 1927 season.

A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology and explaining the phenomenon of “mixed emotions.”  The husband turned to his wife and said, “That is a bunch of crap. There is nothing you could say that will make me happy and sad at the same time.”   She smiled and said: …

Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain. ~ Edward De Bono

Say what you will about the Ten Commandments, you must always come back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them. ~ H. L. Mencken

Freedom of press is limited to those who own one. ~ H. L. Mencken

Q: What is George W. Bush’s position on Roe v Wade? A: He doesn’t care how black people leave New Orleans. ~ Anonymous

I used to wonder what was so holy about a silent night, now I have a child. ~ Anonymous

Christ is so cool. He’s born, I get presents. He dies, I get candy. ~ Anonymous

I am erotic. You are kinky. They are perverts. ~ Anonymous

It may look like I’m doing nothing, but I’m actively waiting for my problems to go away. ~ Anonymous

Does this rag smell like chloroform to you? ~ Anonymous

You know you’re getting older when you frequently find yourself telling people what a loaf of bread USED to cost. ~ Anonymous

You know you’re getting older You don’t care where your wife goes, just so you don’t have to go along. ~ Anonymous

You know you’re getting older Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt. ~ Anonymous