Dave’s Daily Quotes

I drink to forget I drink. ~ Joe E. Lewis

If you insist on measuring yourself, place the tape around your heart rather than your head. ~ Carol Trabelle

It might be a good idea if the various countries of the world would occasionally swap history books, just to see what other people are doing with the same set of facts. ~ Bill Vaughan

If a person wants to be atheistic, it’s his God-given right to be an atheist. ~ Michael Patton

How many Buddhists does it take to screw in a light bulb? None – they get enlightened themselves.

How many racists does it take to screw in a light bulb? None – they don’t want to be enlightened!

There are very few people who don’t become more interesting when they stop talking. ~ Mary Lowry

All we have is here and now. That’s why procrastination feels so right. Procrastination isn’t the problem, it’s the solution. ~ Ellen DeGeneres

Profanity is the adjective of the feeble minded. ~ Gordon Lane

The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn’t get bigger or heavier. ~ Bill Gates

If drumsticks are for playing drums, you would think that breadsticks would be for playing bread, wouldn’t you? “Would you like some breadsticks?” “No thank you, I don’t play bread. I play drums. Perhaps I’ll have a drum roll.” ~ George Carlin

There is a planet named Pluto, but we don’t have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies. ~ George Carlin

Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up. ~ Thomas Edison

Don’t look forward to the day you stop suffering, because when it comes, you’ll know you’re dead. ~ Tennessee Williams

It is the passion that is in a kiss that gives to it its sweetness; it is the affection in a kiss that sanctifies it. ~ Christian Nestell Bovee

Genius makes its observations in short-hand; talent writes them out at length. ~ Christian Nestell Bovee

Enthusiasm is the inspiration of everything great. Without it no man is to be feared, and with it none despised. ~ Christian Nestell Bovee

We can put television in its proper light by supposing that Gutenberg’s great invention had been directed at printing only comic books. ~ Robert M. Hutchins    ++

The habit of common and continuous speech is a symptom of mental deficiency. It proceeds from not knowing what is going on in other people’s minds. ~ Walter Bagehot

Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves. ~ Abraham Lincoln

No one has yet had the courage to memorialize his wealth on his tombstone. A dollar mark would not look well there. ~ Corra May Harris

WORRY:  The first time you can’t get an erection the second time. PANIC:  The second time you can’t get an erection the first time.

What do you call a lawyer who has gone bad?  Senator.  ~ Garrison Keillor

What is a transistor?  A priest in a nun’s habit. ~ Garrison Keillor    ++

He’s so high you could blindfold him with dental floss. ~ Stephanie Toland