Dave’s Daily Quotes

If  Crabtree & Evelyn merged with Apple Computer they could be Crab Apple. ~ Anonymous

1000 aches:  1 megahurts

Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement: 1 bananosecond

2000 pounds of Chinese soup:  Won ton   ++

Ratio of an igloo’s circumference to its diameter:  Eskimo Pi  ++

If silence is golden, a lot of people are off the gold standard. ~ Anonymous

A glutton is always eating when he is not hungry, or is always hungry when he is not eating. ~ Anonymous

A glutton is one whose mind is always on his stomach, and whose stomach is always on his mind. ~ Anonymous

Art, like morality, consists in drawing the line somewhere. ~ G. K. Chesterton

The average husband wishes he had as much fun when he is out as his wife thinks he has.

A skillful diplomat is one who knows how to refuse foreign aid without being deprived of it. ~ Anonymous

The foolishness of the simple is delightful, only the foolishness of the wise is exasperating. ~ Santayana

You can’t tell:  maybe a fish goes home and lies about the size of the man he got away from.   ++

A golfer has one advantage over the fisherman; he doesn’t have to show anything to prove his success. ~ Anonyous

Some people wake up and find themselves famous;  others find themselves famous and then wake up. ~ Anonymous

Experts often possess more data than judgment.

When you choose the lesser of two evils, always remember that it is still an evil. ~ Max Lerner

But I wasn’t kissing her. I was whispering in her mouth. ~ Chico Marx   ++

Two thirds of Americans can’t do fractions. The other half, just don’t care.

Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all the time and have the time of your life.

I’ve suffered a great many catastrophes in my life.  Most of them never happened. ~ Mark Twain

I used to be lost in the shuffle. Now I just shuffle along with the lost. ~ Anonymous   ++

I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.   ++

It now costs more to amuse a child than it once did to educate his father. ~ Anonymous

Happiness is like peeing in your pants.  Everyone can see it, but no one feels the warmth as you do. ~ J.Tilse