Dave’s Daily Quotes

Excuses are like backsides. Everybody’s got one and they all stink. ~ Anonymous

Only a Southerner knows the differences between a redneck, a good ol’ boy, and trailer trash.  ++

A true Southerner knows exactly how long “directly” is – as in “Going to town, be back directly.”

You sound reasonable. It must be time to up my medication!

There’s nothing sweeter than sleeping with your babies and feeling their breath on your cheek. ~ Andy Rooney

Having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world. ~ Andy Rooney

The best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person. ~ Andy Rooney

Matricide:  Killing yourself on a bed.

Arbitrator:  A cook that leaves Arby’s to work at McDonald’s.  ++

Aromatic:  An automatic crossbow.

Arachnoleptic fit:  The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.

Prepositions are not words to end sentences with. And don’t start a sentence with a conjunction. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive. Avoid clichés like the plague (they’re old hat). Also, always avoid annoying alliteration. Be more or less specific. Remarks in parentheses  (however relevant) are (usually) (but not always) unnecessary. Also too,…

Old soldiers never die, young ones do.

Old Italians never die, they just pasta away.

OLD HOCKEY PLAYERS never die, they just achieve their final goal.

OLD GOLFERS never die, they just lose their drive.

Common sense is genius dressed in its working clothes. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Things should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler. ~ Albert Einstein

Whining is anger through a small opening. ~ Stuart Smalley

Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed. ~ Mark Twain

Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it. ~ Mark Twain     ++

Fortune knocks but once, misfortune has much more patience. ~ Jonathon Swift

I’m very proud that I’m smart enough to get to the point. ~ Harry Truman

I want to know God’s thoughts, the rest are details. ~ Albert Einstein

Everyone is ignorant, only on different subjects. ~ Will Rogers