Dave’s Daily Quotes

Protons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic. ~ Anonymous

I had amnesia once–or twice.

A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money. ~ G. Gordon Liddy

A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. ~ George Bernard Shaw

I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle. ~ Winston Churchill   ++

If you don’t read the newspaper, you are uninformed; if you do read the newspaper, you are misinformed. ~ Mark Twain   ++

In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a Congress. ~ John Adams

Ham and eggs…A day’s work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.   ++

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?  ~ Steven Wright  ++

You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn’t know what do to with it. ~ Anonymous (but it is definitely me!)

How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear what they said? ~ Anonymous

Whenever someone says “I’m not book smart, but I’m street smart”, all I hear is “I’m not real smart, but I’m imaginary smart”. ~ Anonymous  ++

I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die. ~ Anonymous

Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn’t work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ’s.…

Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the “people you may know” feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with? ~ Anonymous

I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger. ~ Anonymous

Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong. ~ Anonymous

Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners. ~ Fred Allen

Television is the triumph of machine over people. ~ Fred Allen

Television is a device that permits people who haven’t anything to do to watch people who can’t do anything. ~ Fred Allen

I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you find yourself up there. ~ Fred Allen

Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent. ~ Fred Allen

Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted. ~ Fred Allen