Dave’s Daily Quotes

You can’t get rid of poverty by giving people money. ~ P. J. O’Rourke

This country, with its institutions, belongs to the people who inhabit it. Whenever they shall grow weary of the existing government, they can exercise their constitutional right of amending it or their revolutionary right to dismember it or overthrow it. ~ Abraham Lincoln, 4 April 1861

You must have been conceived at home; that’s where most accidents happen.  ~ Garrison Keillor    ++

If you rest, you rust. ~ Helen Hayes

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

“I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous–everyone hasn’t met me yet. ~ Rodney Dangerfield.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. ~ Noel Coward

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society. ~ Mark Twain   ++

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.  ~ Margaret Mead    ++

When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. ~ Lao Tzu

True love doesn’t have a happy ending, because true love never ends. Letting go is one way of saying I love you. ~ Anonymous

Stand up and walk out of your history. ~ Phil McGraw

He said to her:  I don’t know why you wear a bra;  you’ve got nothing to put in it. She said to him:  You wear briefs don’t you?

1. You just tried to enter your password on the microwave. 2. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three. 3. You call your son’s beeper to let him know it’s time to eat. He e-mails you back from his bedroom, “What’s for dinner?” 4. You chat several times…

Ever try to enter your password into the microwave?

Two fish swim into a concrete wall.  One turns to the other and says, “Dam!”

There was a man who entered a local paper’s pun contest.  He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.  Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.   ++

Ghandi walked barefoot everywhere, to the point that his feet became quite thick and hard. Even when he wasn’t on a hunger strike, he did not eat much and became quite thin and frail. He also was quite a spiritual person. Furthermore, due to his diet, he ended up with very bad breath. He became…

Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal?  He wanted to transcend dental medication.

A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption.  One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named “Ahmal.”  The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him “Juan.”  Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother.  Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband…

Do you know how you got that little indentation on your upper lip? Before you were born, I held you close, and I whispered a secret in your ear. Then, I held my finger to your lips and said, Shhhh. ~  Archangel Gabriel (in the movie Prophecy)

Remember, no matter how bad things get, there is always beer. ~ Norm McDonald

If young love is just a game, I must have missed the kick-off.. ~ Blink 182

I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody. ~ Bill Cosby

No matter how happily a woman may be married, it always pleases her to discover that there is a nice man who wishes that she were not.