Dave’s Daily Quotes

As to the Seven Deadly Sins, I deplore Pride, Wrath, Lust, Envy and Greed.  Gluttony and Sloth I pretty much plan my day around. ~ Robert Brault

Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it–and some of your spouse’s family does too.  ~ Anonymous

Everyone wants to be the sun that lights up my life. But I’d rather find my moon…someone who can shine on me during my darkest hours. ~ Dennis Gallemit

Adorable children are considered to be the general property of the human race. Rude children belong to their mothers. ~ Judith Martin    ++

People like you are the reason people like me take pills! ~ Neva Faith Linn

Have no fear of perfection–you’ll never reach it.  ~ Salvador Dali

There is no heavier burden than a great potential.

After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music.

Please don’t squeeze the shaman!

I stopped smoking and extended my life expectancy. My wife is furious.  ++

It’s getting to the point where a guy can’t enjoy the simple things in life, like slicing a bagel and watching butter melt on it, without some idiot behind you blowing his horn.    ++

Medicine is sky high. I got one prescription that says, “Take one capsule as often as you can afford it.”    ++

I use a bicycle now for short errands. Instead of putting the pedal to the metal, I straddle the saddle.

Q: What is your date of birth? A: July fifteenth. Q: What year? A: Every year.    ++

I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.

Does your train of thought have a caboose?  ++

Q: How can you tell if your husband is dead? A: The sex is the same but you get the remote.   ++

Joan of Arc heard voices too.

A four-year-old Catholic boy was playing with a 4-year-old Protestant girl in a plastic wading pool in the back yard.  They splashed a lot of water on each other; their clothes were soaking wet, so they decide to take off their clothes.  The little boy looked at the little girl and said, “Golly, I didn’t…

I don’t believe in spanking. I believe in tranquilizer darts.    ++

I was such an ugly baby my brother wouldn’t play with me. The neighbor kids wouldn’t play with me. The dog wouldn’t play with me. However, there was this one roach … Eugene…   ++

A tuba placed on your picnic table will keep campsites on either side vacant.    ++

If you can’t be kind, at least have the courtesy to be vague.    ++

No, despite what you read in the obituaries, people do not die in alphabetical order.

Men have become the tools of their tools. ~ Henry David Thoreau