Dave’s Daily Quotes

Church members are either pillars or caterpillars…the pillars hold up the church, and the caterpillars just crawl in and out.

Behavior is a mirror in which everyone shows his image. ~ Goethe

Overheard during a particular long sermon, “If we give him the money now, Mommy, will he let us go?”

One time a windshield wiper will work properly is when it is holding a parking ticket.

Men play the game; women know the score. ~ Roger Woddis

The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing (and then they marry him.)  ~ Cher  ++

I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating too much, smoking too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That is my idea of a perfect day. ~ Anonymous

One of us is thinking about sex….  OK, it’s me.

Let me show you how the guards used to do it.

I started out with nothing and still have most of it left.  ++

I’m not crazy, I’ve just been in a very bad mood for 30 years.  ++

Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen.

Well, this day was a total waste of make-up.  ++

Life is hard. So cry me river, build a bridge and GET OVER IT! ~ Anonymous

When Renoir spoke of light and dark, he meant the translucent images that pattern themselves into night and day and good and evil. When I speak of light and dark, I mean toast. ~ Howard Johnson

Perhaps the chicken is just the eggs way to make more eggs. ~ Robert Anton Wilson

A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking. ~ Thomas Edison

I’m convinced that it’s energy and humor. The two of them combined equal charm. ~ Judith Krantz

Music hath charm to soothe a savage breast, To soften rocks, or bend a knotted oak. ~ William Congreve

It is absurd to divide people into good and bad. People are either charming or tedious. ~ Oscar Wilde

I don’t know which is worse …that everyone has his price, or that the price is always so low. ~ Calvin

It’s not the pace of life I mind. It’s the sudden stop at the end. ~ Calvin

I dream for a living. ~ Steven Spielberg

Fashion is what you adopt when you don’t know who you are. ~ Quentin Crisp

Hardship is best sailed with a heart ship.  ~ Terri Guillemets