Dave’s Daily Quotes

A friend’s eye is a good mirror. ~ Irish Proverb

What do people in China call their good plates?

When life hands you lemons, ask for tequila and salt.    ++

Until economic freedom is attained for everybody, there can be no real freedom for anybody. ~ Suzanne Lafollette

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Everyone who grew up in the 80’s has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator.    ++

I met a man so poorly read that he had to make up his own quotations from the classics.  ~ Stanislaw J. Lec

If the art of conversation stood a little higher we would have a lower birthrate.  ~ Stanislaw J. Lec

There are grammatical errors even in his silence.  ~ Stanislaw J. Lec

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, “I’ve lost my electron.” The other says, “Are you sure?” The first replies, “Yes, I’m positive…”

You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it. ~ G.K. Chesterton

I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours. ~ Stephen Henry Roberts

I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the time he killed himself. ~ Johnny Carson

It has been truthfully said that the world is equally shocked by one who repudiates Christianity as by one who practices it. ~ Peace Pilgrim

I consider myself an average man, except in the fact that I consider myself an average man. ~Montaigne

I have felt the wind of the wing of madness pass over me. ~ Charles Baudelaire

A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices. ~ William James   ++

Life may have no meaning. Or even worse, it may have a meaning of which I disapprove. ~ Ashleigh Brilliant

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect. ~  Steven Wright

Did they purposely make dyslexia hard to spell?

Who closes the door when the bus driver gets off?    ++

Your village called, THEIR IDIOT IS MISSING!

An English professor wrote on the blackboard: Punctuate this sentence – ‘Woman without her man is nothing’. The men wrote:  Woman, without her man, is nothing. All the women wrote: Woman! Without her, man is nothing.’   ++

Q:  How do you get a blonde to marry you? A:  Tell her she’s pregnant.

Q:  What are McDonalds’ employees now asking customers? A:  Can you afford fries with that?