Dave’s Daily Quotes

Egotist, (n);  someone who is me-deep in conversation.

Being dyslexic has drawbacks. I once went to a toga party dressed as a goat.  ++

Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.  ++

Hurricanes are like women:  when they come, they’re wet and wild, but when they leave they take your house and car.

Life is like a taxi:  the meter just keeps a-ticking whether you are getting somewhere or just standing still. ~ Lou Erickson

When I said ‘death’ before ‘dishonor,’ I meant alphabetically.   ++

If you run after two hares, you will catch neither. ~ African Proverb

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. ~ Henny Youngman

A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student. ~ Henny Youngman

I’m sorry, if you were right, I’d agree with you. ~ Robin Williams

Cocaine is God’s way of saying you’re making too much money. ~ Robin Williams

Carpe per diem–seize the check. ~ Robin Williams

To perceive Christmas through its wrappings becomes more difficult with every year. ~ E. B. White

Luck is not something you can mention in the presence of self-made men. ~ E. B. White

Genius is more often found in a cracked pot than in a whole one. ~ E. B. White

How many evolutionists does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but the bulb changes very, very slowly.

Once you label me, you negate me. ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Any man’s death diminishes me, because I am involved in Mankind;  And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee. ~ John Donne

An accountant is someone who knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing.

The world of knowledge takes a crazy turn / when teachers themselves are taught to learn. ~ Bertolt Brecht

Next to being witty yourself, the best thing is being able to quote another’s wit. ~ John Christian Bovee

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.  ~ Anonymous

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.  ~ Anonymous

One gives up much to become a parent, made easier when two give it up. ~ Robert Brault

Even at a Mensa convention, someone is the dumbest person in the room.   ++