Dave’s Daily Quotes

Fire engines have 4 wheels and 8 men. 4 and 8 make 12. There are twelve inches in a foot. A foot is a ruler. Queen Elizabeth was a ruler. Queen Elizabeth is the name of one of the largest ships on the seas. Seas have fish. Fish have fins. The Finns fought the Russians.…

Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children. ~ George Bernard Shaw

I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed. ~ Michael Jordan

You’re given the life you have because you’re strong enough to live it.

You don’t get harmony when everybody sings the same note. ~ Doug Floyd

Without Jesus there would be hell to pay!

Love is the breath of humanity.  Jesus is love.

God’s  Grace is hard enough to understand, I don’t want to imagine the “wrath of God.” ~ Mike Egts

Life is a great big canvas, and you should throw all the paint on it you can. ~ Danny Kaye  ++

I was doing some decorating, so I got out my step-ladder. I don’t get on with my real ladder. ~ Peter Kay

I do not want the peace which passeth understanding, I want the understanding which bringeth peace. ~ Helen Keller

Even when I have pains, I don’t have to be one.  ++

Man’s commonest fault is not knowing what he doesn’t know. ~ Thomas Jefferson (?)

There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it. ~ Mary Wilson Little

Without memory, there is no healing; without forgiveness, there is no future. ~ Desmond Tutu

Never discourage anyone who continually makes progress, no matter how slow.  ~ Aristotle

What would you call the ghost of a door-to-door salesman? A dead ringer. What do skeletons always order at a restaurant?  Spare ribs! Who was the most famous French skeleton?  Napoleon bone-apart. What runs around a cemetery but doesn’t move?  A fence! What do they teach at Witches school?  Spelling.

What did they call prehistoric sailing disasters? Tyrannosaurus wrecks.

We’ll continue our investigation into the political beliefs of nudists. We’ve already noticed a definite swing to the left. ~ Ronnie Barker

I feel that if a person has problems communicating the very least he can do is to shut up. ~ Tom Lehrer   ++

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. ~ Martin Luther King

Our attitude toward life determines life’s attitude towards us. ~ Earl Nightingale

What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce. ~ Mark Twain  ++

A vampire joke:  What happened to the mad vampire? He went a little batty! A demon joke:  What is the best way to get rid of a demon? Exorcise a lot! A ghost joke:  What kind of jewels to ghosts wear? Tombstones! A demon joke:  Why do demons and ghouls get on so well? Because…

I entered ten puns in a contest, and I thought I would win, but unfortunately, no pun in ten did. ++