Dave’s Daily Quotes

The best way to make a fire with two sticks is to be sure that one of them is a match.

I am grateful that I am not as judgmental as all those censorious, self-righteous people around me.  ++

Some people have six-pack abs; I have a keg. ~ Craig Sharf

I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use. ~ Galileo Galilei

Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever. ~  Napoleon Bonaparte

An amnesiac comes into a bar. He asks, “Do I come here often?”    ++

Apples are Female–the best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don’t want to reach for them as they’re afraid of falling and getting hurt. Wine is Male–it begins as a grape, and it’s up to women to stomp the crap out of it until it turns into something acceptable to have…

I’d like to have more self-esteem, but I don’t deserve it.  ++

I was only looking at your name-tag, honest!  ++

Strip mining prevents forest fires.  ++

Heck is where people go who don’t believe in Gosh.    ++

Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.

There are two primary choices in life:  to accept conditions as they exist, or accept the responsibility for changing them.  ~ Denis Waitley   ++

He who is being carried does not realize how far the town is. ~ African Proverb

I just hate cocaine but love the way it smells. ~ Anonymous

Money isn’t the most important thing in life, but it’s reasonably close to oxygen on the “gotta have it” scale. ~ Zig Ziglar

Little men with little minds and little imaginations go through life in little ruts, smugly resisting all changes which would jar their little worlds. ~ Zig Ziglar

Do I love you?  My God, if your love were a grain of sand, mine would be a universe of beaches. ~ William Goldman

Five years from now, you’re the same person except for the people you’ve met and the books you’ve read. ~ John Wooden

Two possibilities exist:  Either we are alone in the Universe or we are not. Both are equally terrifying. ~ Arthur C. Clarke

Dirt is not dirty, but only something in the wrong place. ~ Lord Palmerston

We perceive when love begins and when it declines by our embarrassment when alone together. ~ Jean De La Bruyere

Reason to smile:  Every seven minutes of every day someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.

Liberality [generosity] consists less in giving a great deal than in gifts well-timed. ~ Jean De La Bruyere

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.