Dave’s Daily Quotes

President Herbert Hoover was the first President to give his salary back to the government.  Now the government would like everybody to do it.

Only a fool argues with a skunk, a mule, or the cook. ~ Harry Oliver

Income-tax forms should be more realistic by allowing the taxpayer to list Uncle Sam as a dependent.

Procrastination is the greatest labor-saving invention of all time. ~ Anonymous

You know you’re in a Redneck Church if  the pastor says, “I’d like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering” and five guys and two women stand up.

Anyone who believes exponential growth can go on forever in a finite world is either a madman or an economist. ~ Kenneth Boulding

Cricket is baseball on valium. ~ Robin Williams

We drive into the future using only our rear-view mirror. ~  Marshall Mcluhan

If you want to know where the heart is, look were your mind goes when it wanders.

Dear Lord, please give me the strength to not slap an idiot today.  Amen.

One does not truly stop being ‘the child his parents are raising’ until he becomes ‘the child his parents raised.’ ~ Casey Matthews

Change doesn’t always mean improvement but improvement always means change. ~  John Maxwell

Christmas is a time when you get homesick–even when you’re home.

What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day. ~ Phyllis Diller

You can tell a lot about a man by the way he handles three things… a rainy day, a sick loved one, and tangled Christmas tree lights.

May you hear those three special words at Christmas: No Assembly Required!

Be naughty and save Santa a trip.

Isn’t it a shame Christmas comes at the time of year when the stores are so crowded?

The reason there are so few female politicians is that it is too much trouble to put makeup on two faces. ~ Maureen Murphy

A beauty is a woman you notice; a charmer is one who notices you. ~ Adlai Stevenson

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.  ++

Never moon a werewolf.    ++

To work at Starbucks, should you have graduated Magna Cum Latte?  ++

A little boy examines his privates while in the bath. “Mommy, are these my brains?” His mother says, “Not yet.”

Overweight is something that just snacks up on you.