Dave’s Daily Quotes

The worst Chinese fortune I ever got was the one that said, “That wasn’t chicken.”

A seminar on Time Travel will be held two weeks ago.

I cna ytpe 300 wrods pre mniuet.

Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse. ~ Lily Tomlin

We must take change by the hand or rest assuredly, change will take us by the throat. ~ Winston Churchill

In China, when you’re one in a million, there are 1,300 other people just like you. ~ Bill Gates ++

One dog barks at something, the rest bark at him.

There are no Wal-Marts in Iraq. They’re all Targets.  ++

A lawyer meets the devil. The devil says, “I will give you countless riches now if you give me your eternal soul and the souls of all your family.” The lawyer says, “What’s the catch?”

There is a new wing in the Denver hospital named after famous skier Picabo Street.  It’s the Picabo ICU.     ++

I recently took up meditation. It beats sitting around doing nothing.  ++

Do pyromaniacs wear blazers?    ++

You can’t let praise or criticism get to you.  It’s a weakness to get caught up in either one. ~ John Wooden

Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while. ~ William Goldman

If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more, and become more, you are a leader. ~ John Quincy Adams

Just because you’re beautiful and perfect, it’s made you conceited. ~ William Goldman

Nobody can stop you but you. And shame on you if you’re the one who stops yourself. ~ Damon Wayans

You’re so ugly, when you go into the bank they turn off the surveillance cameras.

When you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you. ~ Andy Rooney

You should never say no to a gift from a child. ~ Andy Rooney

Just one person saying to me, “You’ve made my day!” makes my day. ~ Andy Rooney

Claustrophobia:  The fear of Santa Claus.

Bozone:  The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

Blamestorming:  Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.     ++

Avoidable: What a matador tries to do.  ++