Dave’s Daily Quotes

Life is not fair, but life is not fair for everyone, which makes life fair.

It is OK to let your mind go blank, but please turn off the sound.

I like pigs better than cats and dogs. Dogs are subservient and look up to man. Cats are aloof and look down on man. A pig, however, will look you in the eye, and see his equal. ~ Winston Churchill

Choose your love, love your choice. ~ Thomas S. Monson

Changing one thing for the better is worth more than proving a thousand things are wrong.

Be of use, but don’t be used.

Don’t pray when it rains if you don’t pray when the sun shines. ~ Satchel Paige

Life isn’t like a box of chocolates… it’s more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today might burn your ass tomorrow.

Before I can retaliate, does someone first have to taliate?

Two gay guys were dancing when one said to the other, “Why do you always get an erection when we dance together?” The other replied, “Because you dance like an asshole!”

My daughter has taken up meditation–at least it’s better than sitting doing nothing.

It’s easy to make a buck. It’s a lot tougher to make a difference. ~ Tom Brokaw

Teach a child to be polite and courteous and, when he grows up, he’ll never be able to merge his car onto the freeway.

The mistakes made by Congress wouldn’t be so bad if the next Congress didn’t keep trying to correct them. ~ Cullen Hightower

In the absence of time we are left with the changeless, since change can take place only in time. ~ John Dobson

Fight Crime: Shoot Back.

Remember: Stop lights timed for 35 mph…..are also timed for 70 mph.

It is later than we think–and some of us are not thinking!

Those who complain they don’t get all they deserve often should be congratulating themselves.

It is a dog-eat-dog world out there and I’m wearing Milk Bone underwear. ~ Norm, in “Cheers”

How do they get all those little metal bits on a zipper to line up so well?

A society of sheep must in time beget a government of wolves. ~ Bertrand de Jouvenel

I met a fairy today and she said she would grant me one wish. “I want to live forever,” I said. “Sorry,” said the fairy, “I’m not allowed to grant wishes like that!” “Fine,” I said, “then I want to die after Congress gets their heads out of their asses!” “You crafty bastard,” said the…

Did you hear about the cat that swallowed the duck?  He became a duck-filled fatty-puss.

It isn’t necessary to be rich and famous to be happy. It’s only necessary to be rich. ~ Alan Alda