Dave’s Daily Quotes

I’ll be ill if you remove the apostrophe.

I think men who lose their penis should be remembered.

 Any sufficiently low technology is indistinguishable from hard work.

Don’t judge a book by its cover, or who to love by your mother.

Marriage is our last, best chance to grow up. ~ Joseph Barth

If a man truly wants to communicate with his wife, he must enter her world of emotions. ~ Gary Smalley

You can’t leave footprints in the sands of time if you’re sitting on your butt. And who wants to leave butt prints in the sands of time? ~ Bob Moawad

It kills me sometimes, how people die.~ Markus Zusak, The Book Thief

Ah well, they say it’s not as bad as they say it is.

I bet you have never seen a plumber bite his nails.

When you make your mark in the world, watch out for guys with erasers.

It’s called the American Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it. ~ George Carlin

The poor have voted Democrat for 50 years. They are still poor. ~ Charles Barkley

Stop repeat offenders. Don’t re-elect them!

Police arrested a man who robbed a bank while Tweeting about it. He’s hoping for a short sentence.

I once tried drawing Bill Murray on a one dollar bill but switched to drawing Jude Law. That didn’t work either so I gave up. Washington makes it too hard to turn a Bill into a Law.

If you consult enough experts, you can confirm any opinion.

If you do not make dust, you eat dust.

If you file it, you’ll know where it is but never need it. If you don’t file it, you’ll need it but never know where it is.

If you have nothing to do, don’t do it here.

Just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to, doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have.

If Helen Keller had ESP, would you say she had a fourth sense?

I had amnesia once – maybe twice.

You know you’re getting older when a $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer “pretty good stuff.” You know you’re getting older when all your favorite music is in the bargain bin at Wal-Mart. You know you’re getting older when happy hour is a nap. You know you’re getting older when people call at 9…

“Well, you already knew that life isn’t fair, right?” he said. “I guess death isn’t either.” ~ Suzanne Harper