Dave’s Daily Quotes

The Queue Principle: The longer you wait in line, the greater the likelihood that you are standing in the wrong line.

Never say “OOPS!”  Always say, “Ah, Interesting!”

A user friendly computer first requires a friendly user.

All computers wait at the same speed.

Why is it that when you transport something by car, it’s called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it’s called cargo?

Why do people who know the least, know it the loudest?

What does an atheist do when he drives up behind a car with a “Honk if you love Jesus” bumper sticker and that car doesn’t move when the traffic light turns green?

Is the glass half empty, half full, or twice as large as it needs to be?

If today is the first day of the rest of your life, what was yesterday?

If the universe is expanding, why can’t I find a parking space?

If someone were to pay you ten cents for every kind word you ever spoke and collect five cents for every unkind word, would you be rich or poor?

If love is blind, is lingerie considered Braille?

If a man with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, would it be considered a hostage situation?

How do you get off a non-stop flight?

Did Noah include termites on the ark?

Crime doesn’t pay . . . does that mean that my job is a crime?

Can it be a mistake that “desserts” is “stressed” spelled backwards?

Software undergoes beta testing shortly before it’s released.  Beta is Latin for “still doesn’t work.”

A smart man learns from his own mistakes.  A truly wise man learns from the mistakes of others. ~ Latin Proverb

As the confusion of tongues was a mark of separation,  so the being of one language is a mark of union. ~ Francis Bacon, Encyclopedia of Quotations, Treasury of Wit and Humor, (1876)

Some seem to prefer reflected light to genuine sunshine. ~ Encyclopedia of Quotations, Treasury of Wit and Humor, (1876)

It’s a job that’s never started that takes the longest to finish. ~ J. R. R. Tolkien

I don’t know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve. ~ J. R. R. Tolkien

Golf is harder than baseball.  In golf, you have to play your foul balls.

A “gimme” can best be defined as an agreement between two golfers… neither of whom can putt very well.