Dave’s Daily Quotes

Begin at the beginning and go on till you come to the end; then stop.  ~ Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

Congress has the unsolved problem of how to get the people to pay taxes they can’t afford for services they don’t need.

Our beloved country has made remarkable progress. Now politicians have arranged to spend taxes before they collect them.

Of course you can’t take it with you, and with high taxes, lawyer’s fees, and funeral expenses you can’t leave it behind either.

Making out your own income tax return is something like a do-it-yourself mugging.

Income-tax forms should be printed on Kleenex because so many of us have to pay through the nose.

When making out your tax return, it’s better to give than to deceive.

I used to be lost in the shuffle.  Now I just shuffle along with the lost.    ++

Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side.

The best angle from which to approach any problem is the try-angle.

When glass breaks, the cracks move at speeds up to 3,000 miles (4827 km) per hour.

In just a century’s time, Islam has converted 1/3 of the world. The most common name in the world is Mohammed (See above).

Did you hear about the constipated composer? He couldn’t finish the last movement.

Show me where Stalin’s buried and I’ll show you a communist plot.

I’d rather have roses on my table than diamonds on my neck. ~ Emma Goldman

Someone has said it requires less mental effort to condemn than to think. ~ Emma Goldman

The most violent element in society is ignorance. ~ Emma Goldman

I’ve known rivers: I’ve known rivers ancient as the world and older than the flow of human blood in human veins. My soul has grown deep like the rivers. ~ Langston Hughes

The last fight was my fault though.  My wife asked, “What’s on the TV?”  I said, “Dust!” ~ Red Skelton

We always hold hands.  If I let go, she shops. ~ Red Skelton

I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.  “Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!” she said.  So I suggested the kitchen. ~ Red Skelton

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back. ~ Red Skelton

There is a certain freedom in having nothing left to lose.

There are only 10 types of people in this world: those who understand binary, and those who don’t.    ++

There are never enough hours in a day, but always too many days before Saturday.