Dave’s Daily Quotes

It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.    ++

Sex is hereditary.  If your parents never had it, chances are you won’t either.

Murphy’s Law of Philosophy:  There are some things which are impossible to know–but it is impossible to know these things.

How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you are on.

Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to Dolly, “I was artificially inseminated this morning.” “I don’t believe you,” said Dolly. “It’s true, no bull!” exclaimed Daisy.

Don’t make the wrong mistakes.  ++

Whose cruel idea was it for the word “Lisp” to have “S” in it?  ++

How come you don’t ever hear about gruntled employees? And who has been dis-ing them anyhow?  ~ Steven Wright

So what is the speed of dark?  ~ Steven Wright

Do they have reserved parking for non-handicapped people at the Special Olympics? ~ Steven Wright

Men are probably nearer the central truth in their superstitions than in their science.  ~ Henry David Thoreau

Optimists and pessimists differ only on the date of the end of the world. ~ Stanislaw J. Lec

Only geniuses and idiots are mentally self-sufficient. ~ Stanislaw J. Lec

A compromise is an agreement whereby both parties get what neither of them wanted.  ~ Anonymous

The world began without man, and it will end without him. ~ Claude Lévi-Strauss

Neither irony or sarcasm is argument. ~ Rufus Choate

Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry always gets the best of the argument ~ Richard Whately

Life is short; break the rules, forgive quickly, kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably, and never regret anything that made you smile. ~ Anonymous

No matter what side of the argument you are on, you always find people on your side that you wish were on the other. ~ Jascha Heifetz

I used to be clueless about math, but I turned that around 360 degrees.

By and large, mothers and housewives are the only workers who do not have regular time off. They are the great vacationless class. ~ Anne Morrow Lindbergh

It takes as much courage to have tried and failed as it does to have tried and succeeded. ~ Anne Morrow Lindbergh

A great many people mistake opinions for thoughts. ~ Herbert Prochnow

For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

Parenting is like joining the Peace Corps; it is the toughest job you’ll ever love.