Dave’s Daily Quotes

When cryptography is outlawed, bayl bhgynjf jvyy unir cevinpl.

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants. ~ A. Whitney Brown   ++

Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world. ~ Dave Barry

To do is to be [Descartes]. To be is to do [Voltaire]. Do be do be do [Frank Sinatra].

Amdahl’s First Law of Analogies:  Although the universe may be like a watermelon, and the stars like its seeds, never mistake your watermelon for the universe.

Like pilgrims to the appointed place we tend; The world’s an inn, and death the journey’s end. ~ John Dryden

Better shun the bait, than struggle in the snare. ~ John Dryden

But far too numerous was the herd of such,  who think too little and who talk too much. ~ John Dryden

People will believe anything if you whisper it. ~ Louis Nizer

It needs no dictionary of quotations to remind me that the eyes are the windows of the soul. ~ Max Beerbohm

Everyone has free will, but some have more than others.

If you lose your temper, you’ve lost the argument.

WARNING:  The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.

Wise people think all they say, fools say all they think.

The human brain is a wonderful thing. It starts working the moment you are born, and never stops until you stand up to speak in public. ~ George Jessel

You ever make fun of someone so much, you think you should thank them for all the good times you’ve had?

Q. What’s the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo? A. The southern zoo has a description of the animal along with a recipe.

Unless you’re the lead dog, the view never changes. ~ Robert Benchley  ++

How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

The kind of humor I like is the thing that makes me laugh for five seconds and think for ten minutes.  ~ William Davis

A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.  ~ William James

All who would win joy, must share it; happiness was born a twin.  ~ Lord Byron

There are two things in life for which we are never truly prepared:  twins. ~ Josh Billings    ++

When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, “Look … twins!” ~ Rodney Dangerfield

The God to whom little boys say their prayers has a face very like their mother’s. ~ James Matthew Barrie