Dave’s Daily Quotes

The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously. ~ Hubert Humphrey

You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus. ~ Mark Twain

Intelligence tests are biased toward the literate. ~ George Carlin

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it. ~ W.C. Fields

The worst thing that can happen to you can be the best thing for you, if you don’t let it get the best of you. ~ Will Rogers

I’m not into working out. My philosophy is no pain, no pain.

How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony? It’s not hard.

To work at Starbucks, should you have graduated Magna Cum Latte?

Above all else, sky.

On the journey of life, I choose the psycho path.

Too much Pluribus, not enough Unum.

It’s like, every time you open your mouth some idiot starts talking.

Crap! This is a terrible time for the meds to wear off.

Conserve toilet paper–use both sides.

You probably don’t recognize me without the cape.

When I was young, I just wanted a BMW. Now that I’m older, I don’t need the W.

Jesus loves you; it’s everybody else that thinks you’re an ass.

A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up a thousand times the memory.

It’s not who you know, it’s whom you know.

What sunshine is to flowers…smiles are to humanity. ~ Joseph Addison

You never see the bad days in a photo album but it’s those days that get us from one happy snapshot to the next.

There are three ways a man can be ruined: women, gambling, and farming. My father chose the most boring. ~ Pope John XXIII

Why do the numbers on phones go down while the numbers on calculators go up?

And on the eighth day God said, “O.K. Murphy. You take over.”

Is it possible to be a closet claustrophobic?