Dave’s Daily Quotes

Frogs have it easy. They can eat what bugs them.

Anger is one letter short of danger.

The most precious possession that ever comes to a man in this world is a woman’s heart. ~ Josiah G. Holland

You are wise, witty, and wonderful, but you spend too much time reading this sort of trash.

Sometimes I simply feel that the whole world is a cigarette and I’m the only ashtray.

Scientists have shown that the moon is moving away at a tiny yet measurable distance from the earth every year. If you do the math, you can calculate that 85 million years ago the moon was orbiting the earth at a distance of about 35 feet from the earth’s surface. This would explain the death…

Promises are like babies: fun to make, but hell to deliver.

Do you know that if all the smokers were laid end to end around the world, three quarters of them would drown?

Anybody can grab a tiger by the tail. You only survive by knowing what to do next.

You’re not yourself today.  It’s nice.

I try to watch what I eat and yet my eyes just aren’t quick enough.

There’s a bunch of different crunches that affect the abs…my favorite is Nestle’s.

Computer games don’t affect kids. I mean, if PacMan affected us as kids, we’d be running around in darkened rooms munching on pills and listening to repetitive music.

Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong. ~ Oscar Wilde

I find humor in my everyday life by looking for people I can laugh at.

And which dwarf are you?

I saw a woman crying as she was buying tampons earlier. Must be going through a tough period in her life.

With every passing hour our solar system comes forty-three thousand miles closer to globular cluster 13 in the constellation Hercules, and still there are some misfits who continue to insist that there is no such thing as progress. — Ransom K. Ferm

I give you bitter pills in sugar coating. The pills are harmless; the poison is in the sugar.  ~ Stanislaw J. Lec

A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car.  ~ Carrie Snow

If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant’s life, she will choose to save the infant’s life without even considering if there are men on base. ~ Dave Barry

If you don’t care where you are, you ain’t lost.

Once a new technology rolls over you, if you’re not part of the steamroller, you’re part of the road. ~ Stewart Brand

Every man is as Heaven made him, and sometimes a great deal worse. ~ Miguel de Cervantes

Never help a child with a task at which he feels he can succeed. ~ Maria Montessori