Dave’s Daily Quotes

There are two kinds of light:  the glow that illuminates, and the glare that obscures. ~ James Thurber

Progress was all right.  Only it went on too long. ~ James Thurber

Man is flying too fast for a world that is round.  Soon he will catch up with himself in a great rear end collision. ~ James Thurber

Laughter need not be cut out of anything, since it improves everything. ~ James Thurber   ++

It is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers. ~ James Thurber

I am so busy doing nothing… that the idea of doing anything–which as you know, always leads to something–cuts into the nothing and then forces me to have to drop everything. ~ Jerry Seinfeld

Having a two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it. ~ Jerry Seinfeld

A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking. ~ Jerry Seinfeld

Marriages don’t last. When I meet a guy, the first question I ask myself is:  is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with? ~ Rita Rudner

It wasn’t that no one asked me to the prom, it was that no one would tell me where it was. ~ Rita Rudner

Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer. ~ Joan Rivers

People always ask me, “Where were you when Kennedy was shot?” Well, I don’t have an alibi. ~ Emo Philips

My mother was like a sister to me, only we didn’t have sex quite so often. ~ Emo Philips

I was walking down fifth avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought:  well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel? And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson. ~ Emo Philips

I like to think of myself as part of the IN Crowd: insecure, ineffectual, inferior…

The years teach much which the days never knew. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Some people are like blisters. They don’t show up until the work is done.

They talk about the economy this year.  Hey, my hairline is in recession, my waistline is in inflation.  Altogether, I’m in a depression.  ~ Rick Majerus

A rock —-> me <—- A hard place.

Sticks and stones may break my bones but words … words might hurt me deeply, causing great emotional, mental, and psychological damage leading to a lowered self-esteem and decreased work-related efficiency. ~ Anonymous

Last night I neglected to mention something that bears repeating. ~ Ron Fairly

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart.  Who looks outside, dreams.  Who looks inside, awakens. ~ Carl Jung

A liberal is a man too broadminded to take his own side in an argument. ~  Robert Frost

Those who hammer their guns into plowshares will plow for those who do not. ~ Thomas Jefferson

Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most times he will pick himself up and carry on. ~ Winston Churchill