Dave’s Daily Quotes

If at first you don’t succeed, try left field.

I can’t get enough minimalism.

There is no vaccine against stupidity. ~ Albert Einstein

The only reason a great many American families don’t own an elephant is that they have never been offered an elephant for a dollar down and easy weekly payments. ~ Mad Magazine

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim. ~ George Carlin

I hope life isn’t a big joke, because I don’t get it. ~ Jack Handey

Life is like an onion;  you peel off one layer at a time and sometimes you weep. ~ Carl Sandburg

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn’t it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, and dry cleaners depressed?

Did Adam ever say to Eve, “Watch it! There are plenty more ribs where you came from!”

The two biggest problems in America are making ends meet and making meetings end.

Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren’t afraid to have a Chapter 11?

Does ‘virgin wool’ come from sheep the shepherd hasn’t caught yet?    ++

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?     ++

If you’re born again, do you have two bellybuttons?

Q:  What is the difference between a guitar and a tuna fish? A:  You can tune a guitar but you can’t tuna fish.

Q:  What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond? A:  Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

Have a nice day today.  I dare you…

When you meet someone better than yourself, turn your thoughts to becoming his equal.  When you meet someone not as good as you are, look within and examine yourself. ~ Confucius

When your memory goes, forget it!

What will you do if all your problems aren’t solved by the time you die?

What does “it” mean in the sentence “What time is it?”?

Time is but the stream I go a-fishing in. ~ Henry David Thoreau

Three o’clock in the afternoon is always just a little too late or a little too early for anything you want to do. ~ Jean-Paul Sartre

Somehow I reached excess without ever noticing when I was passing through satisfaction. ~ Ashleigh Brilliant

Like winter snow on summer lawn, time past is time gone.