Dave’s Daily Quotes

Tearless grief bleeds inwardly. ~ Christian Nestell Bovee

Acceptance of what has happened is the first step to overcoming the consequences of any misfortune. ~ William James

Percentage of American men who say they would marry the same woman if they had it to do all over again: 80% Percentage of American women who say they’d marry the same man: 50%

Confucius say man who stand on toilet is high on pot!     ++

Confucius say crowded elevator smells different to midget.

Ever seen a one-way dead end street? ~ Steven Wright

There are two kinds of people in life:  people who like their jobs, and people who don’t work here anymore.

If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?    ++

Diets are for people who are thick and tired of it.

A man’s house is his hassle.

It’s not the minutes spent at the table that makes one fat…it’s the seconds.

In America, it’s not how much an item costs, it’s how much you save.

If you can distinguish between good and bad advice, then you don’t need any advice.

When eating an elephant, take one bite at a time.

If you view your problem closely enough you will recognize yourself as part of the problem.

The distance from the ticket counter to your flight is directly proportional to the weight of your luggage and inversely proportional to the time before departure.

There must be more to life than sitting wondering if there is more to life.

Cohen’s Second Law:  People are divided into two groups–the righteous and the unrighteous.  And the righteous do the dividing.

The death rate on Earth is… one per person.

Don’t keep the faith–spread it around.

If you can guess how many marbles are in my head I’ll give you both.

Disinformation is not as good as datinformation.

A man and a woman drove along in silence–the quiet part of a nasty argument. Their country drive took them past a farm with a pigpen full of pigs wallowing in the mud. “Relatives of yours?” she asked sarcastically. “Yep–those are my in-laws,” he replied.

As the times change, so do men. ~ Jack Higgins (The Presidents Daughter)

Any argument carried far enough will end up in semantics.