Dave’s Daily Quotes

Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

I’m not being rude. You’re just insignificant.

What am I?  Flypaper for freaks!?

Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you’re an artist.

The most frightening thing about professional wrestling is that some of its fans are registered voters.

It’s not a bald spot; it’s a solar panel for a sex-machine.

A woman was in love with fourteen soldiers.  It was clearly platoonic.

Economists are still trying to figure out why the girl with the least principles draws the most interest!

Teachers who take class attendance are absent-minded.

Happiness is the interval between periods of unhappiness. ~  Don Marquis

Happiness is having a scratch for every itch. ~ Ogden Nash

What we speak becomes the house we live in. ~ Hafiz

Whoever said that you can’t buy happiness forgot about puppies. ~ Gene Hill

What do you think is the meaning of true happiness?  Is it money, cars, and women?  Or is it just money and cars? ~ Bill Watterson

One important key to success is self-confidence.  An important key to self-confidence is preparation. ~ Arthur Ashe

Always suspect you’re wrong.  Either way you’ll be right.

Lean on me, when you’re not strong, and I’ll be your friend, I’ll help you carry on, for it won’t be long, ’til I’m going to need somebody to lean on. ~  “Lean On Me”

It’s not considered lying if you do so when complimenting a woman.

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. ~ Lao Tzu

Genius does what it must, talent does what it can, and you had best do what you’re told.

Death is hereditary.

Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!

What is the difference between a Peeping Tom and someone who’s just got out of the bath? One is rude and nosy, and the other’s nude and rosy.

We all get heavier as we get older because there is a lot more information in our heads. ~ Vlade Divac