Dave’s Daily Quotes

Old Professors never die, they just lose their faculties. ~ Stephen Fry

It is a cliche that most cliches are true, but then like most cliches, that cliche is untrue. ~ Stephen Fry

I don’t need you to remind me of my age.  I have a bladder to do that for me. ~ Stephen Fry

When you encounter seemingly good advice that contradicts other seemingly good advice, ignore them both. ~ Al Franken

It’s the Power of the Almighty, the Splendor of Nature, and then you. ~ Al Franken   ++

It’s easier to put on slippers than to carpet the whole world. ~ Al Franken

If you’ve ever made change in the offering plate, you might be a redneck. ~ Jeff Foxworthy ++

I have never been jealous.  Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

Have you ever seen people so ugly that you have to get someone else to verify it? ~ Jeff Foxworthy

Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt? ~ Jeff Foxworthy

It’s a weird sensation to be mad and learning at the same time. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

Adolescence is perhaps nature’s way of preparing parents to welcome the empty nest. ~ Karen Savage

I have not yet begun to procrastinate.

Being politically correct means always having to say you’re sorry.

If Ignorance is Bliss, why aren’t more people happy?

When in danger or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout. ~ Ambrose Bierce

I bet if Zebras tasted like Zebra Cakes there would be a lot less vegetarians. ~  Ben Wipperman

Did you ever notice the people who are most adamantly against abortions are people so ugly you wouldn’t want to touch them in the first place? ~ George Carlin

I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set him free. ~ Michelangelo

The first man to compare the cheeks of a young woman to a rose was obviously a poet; the first to repeat it was possibly an idiot. ~ Salvador Dali

Is it weird in here, or is it just me? ~ Steven Wright

If we aren’t supposed to eat animals, why are they made with meat?

I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

Forget about world peace, visualize using your turn signal.

Who me?  I just wander from room to room.