Dave’s Daily Quotes

Nice computers don’t go down.  

Purranoia:  the fear your cats are up to something.  

Sick, sick, sick–the humor of the Beast.  

To thine own self be cool.  

What do you get if you have thirteen witches in a hot tub?  A self-cleaning coven.  

When I knead my friends, they turn their backs.  

Is that a raw fish in your pocket, or are you happy sashimi?  

I want to move to theory.  Everything works in theory. ~ John Cash  

What did the surgeon say to the patient who wanted to close his own incision?  Suture self.  

Today on Paperview:  The World Origami Championship.  

What sexually transmitted disease can you get from a hand puppet?  The clap.  

The email of the species is deadlier than the mail.  

I believe in gravity.  It always lets me down.  

When the Devil goes bald, there will be hell toupee.  

The Bible talks about St. Paul, but never mentions Minneapolis.  

Why are pirate jokes funny? They just ARRRRRR.  

Metaphors be with you.  

The volume of a pizza of thickness ‘a’ and radius ‘z’ is given by pi*z*z*a.  

ZenCrafters: Total enlightenment in about an hour!

Every good relationship, especially marriage, is based on respect.  If it’s not based on respect, nothing that appears to be good will last very long. ~ Amy Grant  

I have always found that mercy bears richer fruits than strict justice. ~ Abraham Lincoln

A friend is one who has the same enemies as you have. ~ Abraham Lincoln  

If we mean to have heroes, statesmen and philosophers, we should have learned women. ~ Abigail Adams  

Mamma always said, “Dying is a part of life.” I sure wish it wasn’t. ~ Forrest Gump  

Reason and judgment are the qualities of a leader. ~ Tacitus