Dave’s Daily Quotes

Between want and need is self-control.

Question skepticism.

Do gay termites eat woodpeckers?

There are no stupid questions, but there are a lot of inquisitive idiots.

The great thing about human language is that it prevents us from sticking to the matter at hand. ~ Lewis Thomas

What do you call a camel with a head on each end? A palindromedary!

Employees who must walk on eggshells move slowly.

Behind the firewall, everyone’s naked.

If it’s not brain science, it’s rocket surgery.

When you consider that the sky starts at your feet, think how brave we are just to walk around. ~ Diane Ackerman

So how many women out there think men are pigs? Gimme a show of tits!

There’s more pressure on a vet to get it right. People say ‘It was God’s will’ when Granny dies, but they get angry when they lose a cow. ~ Terry Pratchett

If I gave a shit, you’d be the first person I’d give it to.

By the taping of my glasses, something geeky this way passes.

She was like chocolate when she drank… semi sweet at first and then bitter as she drank more.

Nine times out of ten, when people say myself or yourself they should say me or you.

Talent hits a target no one else can hit; Genius hits a target no one else can see. ~ Arthur Schopenhauer

The greatest of faults, I should say, is to be conscious of none. ~ Thomas Carlyle

I am not merely a “consumer” or a “taxpayer”.  I am a Citizen of the United States of America.

My theory is that when people say they’re ROTFL they aren’t actually OTF, and probably not even R.

Does power corrupt or does power attract the corruptible?

Love is the only game that is not called on account of darkness. ~ M. Hirschfield

Computers allow humans to make mistakes at the fastest speeds known, with the possible exception of tequila and handguns.

My life so far has been a long series of things I wasn’t ready for. ~ Ashleigh Brilliant

Confirmed bachelor: A man who goes through life without a hitch.