Dave’s Daily Quotes

When they asked Jack Benny to do something for the Actors Orphanage, he shot both his parents and moved in. ~ Bob Hope  

Why, I’d horse-whip you if I had a horse. ~  Groucho Marx  

We’d like to keep you around next year, son, but were trying to win a pennant. ~ Casey Stengel  

Love:  two vowels, two consonants, two fools.

You sound reasonable…time to up the medication.

Ahhh…I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again…

I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

Truth and simplicity are inversely related.  

Being in politics is like being a football coach;  you have to be smart enough to understand the game, and dumb enough to think it’s important. ~ Eugene McCarthy  

A gaffe is when a politician tells the truth. ~ Michael Kinsley  

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.    ++  

Urologists don’t have to advertise.  They just open up an office and the patients come trickling in.  

What do you call a line of rabbits walking backwards?  A receding hare line.  

Why did the gum cross the road?  It was stuck to the chicken’s foot.  

What do you call small apartments that you rent out for free?  Stay free mini pads.  

Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber. ~ Plato  

Reason has seldom failed us because it has seldom been tried. ~ Edward Abbey  

I place economy among the first and most important virtues, and public debt as the greatest of dangers.  To preserve our independence, we must not let our rulers load us with perpetual debt. ~ Thomas Jefferson

For NASA, space is still a high priority.  ~ Dan Quayle    ++  

Even a dog distinguishes between being stumbled over and being kicked. ~  Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.  

Be wise to-day; ’tis madness to defer. ~ Edward Young  

The saddest aspect of life right now is that science gathers knowledge faster than society gathers wisdom. ~ Isaac Asimov  

Blame St. Andreas–it’s his fault.  

Ever wish you had a copy of tomorrow’s newspaper?  

Every time I get on a ferry it makes me cross.