Dave’s Daily Quotes

It is better to light just one candle than to clean the whole apartment. ~ Eileen Courtney  

I’m not into that one-night stand thing.  I think a person should get to know someone and even be in love with them before you use and degrade them. ~ Steve Martin (SNL)  

When I can look Life in the eyes, Grown calm and very coldly wise, Life will have given me the Truth, And taken in exchange – my youth. ~ Sara Teasdale  

Whatever poet, orator, or sage may say of it, old age is still old age.  ~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow  

I don’t believe one grows older.  I think that what happens early on in life is that at a certain age one stands still and stagnates.  ~ T.S. Eliot  

The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with. ~ Marty Feldman  

Even if you are on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there. ~ Will Rogers  

B.I.B.L.E. =  Basic Information Before Leaving Earth

You know, I think the last thing I’d like them to do is beam me “Up Scotty.”  

Proofreading is my worst enema.  

Minimalists do it.  

If you can’t say ridiculous things with a straight face, there’s probably no room for you in management.  

My GPS would make the perfect spouse.  It sits quietly in the car, never complains about my driving, and when it has something to say, it says something useful.  

I’m pretty sure that if you have a chip on your shoulder, you’re missing your mouth.  

The kids next door have challenged me to a water fight…  I’m just updating my status while I wait for the kettle to boil.  

People accuse me of being overly competitive.  I’m not.  I’m the most non-competitive person in the world.  No one even comes close.

Facebook is where all your past mistakes will eventually try to befriend you…  

How old am I?  Well I was on the R&D team that developed the formula for dirt. ~ Michael Marlow  

Osama Bin Laden:  World Champion of Hide and Seek, 2001-2011.  Welcome back to the top, Waldo.  

Whoever said “the freaks come out at night” has obviously never been to Walmart during the day.  

I love you so much that there’s almost no chance I’d use you as a human shield against a Navy SEALs attack.  

It wasn’t that long ago that I thought that every great idea began with…”Hold my beer and watch this!”  

The good life, as I conceive it, is a happy life.  I do not mean that if you are good you will be happy; I mean that if you are happy you will be good. ~ Bertrand Russell  

What do you call a bunch of morons standing on a corner eating apples, drinking Tab, and singing songs? The moron Tab-n-apple choir.  

Death and taxes are inevitable, but at least death doesn’t get worse every year. ~ Erwin Griswold [paraphrased]