Dave’s Daily Quotes

You and the CEO have something in common. You’ve both gone as far as you can in this company.  

Warning: Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear.  

The recession has hit everybody really hard… My neighbor got a pre-declined credit card in the mail. CEO’s are now playing miniature golf. Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen. I saw a Mormon with only one wife. If the bank returns your check marked “Insufficient Funds,” you must now call them and ask if they meant…

When it comes to thought, some people stop at nothing.  

When vultures fly, are they allowed carrion luggage?  

Hail to the sun god He sure is a fun god Ra!  Ra!  Ra!  

Self Test for Paranoia:  You know you have it when you can’t think of anything that’s your own fault.  

When hammering a nail, you will never hit your finger if you hold the hammer with both hands.

In the force if Yoda’s so strong, construct a sentence with words in the proper order then why can’t he?

All Bibles are man-made. ~ Thomas Edison  

Be less critical more often.  

Never tell a young person that anything cannot be done. God may have been waiting centuries for someone ignorant enough of the impossible to do that very thing. ~ John Andrew Holmes  

Money is the root of all evil, and man needs roots.

Don’t hold a $1,000 meeting to solve a $100 problem.  

There are four ways in which you can spend money. You can spend your own money on yourself. When you do that, why then you really watch out what you’re doing, and you try to get the most for your money. Then you can spend your own money on somebody else. For example, I buy…

Song writing is about getting the demon out of me. It’s like being possessed. You try to go to sleep, but the song won’t let you. So you have to get up and make it into something, and then you’re allowed to sleep. ~ John Lennon  

For perfect happiness, remember two things: (1) Be content with what you’ve got. (2) Be sure you’ve got plenty.  

Never mistake knowledge for wisdom. One helps you make a living; the other helps you make a life. ~ Sandra Carey

The idea of strictly minding our own business is moldy rubbish. Who could be so selfish? ~ Myrtie Barker  

Korman’s Conclusion: The trouble with resisting temptation is it may never come your way again.  

It’s a good thing money can’t buy happiness. We couldn’t stand the commercials. ~ Anonymous  

Don’t let your luggage define your travels, each life unravels differently. ~ Shane Koyczan  

Had we only known you were coming, we would have invited you. ~ Richard North Patterson  

When a girl can read the handwriting on the wall, she may be in the wrong rest room.  

In most instances, all an argument proves is that two people are present.