Dave’s Daily Quotes

If you are going to walk on thin ice you might as well dance.

Cooking lesson #1: don’t fry bacon in the nude.

Be consistent (but not all the time).

Anger opens the mouth and shuts the mind.

A person is grown up not when they can take care of themselves, but when they can take care of others.

My greatest fear in life is that no one will remember me after I’m dead. ~ Some Dead Guy

It would have been more convincing if the fall of man had been attributed to a banana instead of an apple.

Tradition is an explanation for acting without thinking. ~ Grace McGarvie

Few explanations ever explained the necessity of making one. ~ Elbert Hubbard

Every now and then you meet a bore who is so dull that he can even put a cup of coffee to sleep.

The best audience is one that is intelligent, well-educated, and a little drunk. ~ Alben W. Barkley

Too many parents tie up their dogs and allow their children to run loose.

Obesity is really widespread. ~ Joseph O. Kern II

No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain, you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office. ~ George Bernard Shaw

Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart.~ Erma Bombeck

About the only thing you can acquire without money is debt. ~ Anonymous

How to say I Love You in dozens of languages, from Afrikaans to Zuni:   http://yunus.hacettepe.edu.tr/~sadi/dizeler/i-love-you.html  

Critics are like eunuchs in a harem; they know how it’s done, they’ve seen it done every day, but they’re unable to do it themselves. ~ Brendan Behan

We protest against unjust criticism but we accept unearned applause. ~ Jose Narosky

The best way to convince a fool that he is wrong is to let him have his own way. ~ Josh Billings

Personally, I don’t believe the world owes me a living, although for the amount I make, an apology would be nice.

If money won’t make you happy, you won’t like poverty either.

An Appendix is something found in the back of a book. Sometimes they get inside people and have to be taken out.

Sex makes you alert and ready to face the world… it’s an ideal substitute for a hot breakfast.

If you want to read about love and marriage, you’ve got to buy two separate books.