Dave’s Daily Quotes

I can’t give you brains, but I can give you a diploma. ~ The Wizard of OZ

If I want your opinion, I’ll read your entrails. ~ Doug Shewfelt

GPS is just another excuse for men not to ask for directions. ~ Richard Horwitz

I called the Census Bureau to see why they hadn’t sent me a form, and they said that I was too nondescript to influence the demographics one way or another. ~ Liz Stokes

Our reasoning goes something like this:  “If I want it, I need it.  If I need it, it’s my right.  If it’s my right, someone should give it to me.  Or else I’ll sue.” ~ Newsweek June 27, 1994

It may occur to you to wonder, what if Jesus had actually said, “The geek shall inherit the earth,” but was just misquoted?  Then you’ll start to worry…

The universe does not have laws–it has habits, and habits can be broken.  

Nothing screams ‘poor workmanship’ like wrinkles in the duct tape.

My new dress. Do you like it? It’s from my favorite designer: On Sale.~ Rita Rudner

The trouble with words is that you never know whose mouth they’ve been in. ~ Dennis Potter

Living with a conscience is like driving a car with the brakes on. ~ Budd Schulberg

Marriage is not a ritual or an end.  It is a long, intricate, intimate dance together and nothing matters more than your own sense of balance and your choice of partner. ~ Amy Bloom

In a country well governed, poverty is something to be ashamed of. In a country badly governed, wealth is something to be ashamed of. ~ Confucius

An employer once said, “What if I train my people and they leave?” and I answered, “What if you don’t train them and they stay?” ~ Evan Kirshenbaum

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the equipment, training, and staff to make a difference.

Have food–will work for money.

I don’t delegate responsibility.  I delegate blame.

I keep hitting the escape key, but I’m still here.

I’m so bored I may have to resort to doing some work.

RTFMA. Read the manual, SIR!

There’s gotta be an easier way of going broke.

With feedback, decisions are judged on results. Without feedback, decisions are judged on appearance.

I work well with others. Others. Not you.

Seven out of ten voices in my head say “Call in sick.”

A bit beyond perception’s reach I sometimes believe I see that Life is two locked boxes, each containing the other’s key. ~ Piet Hein