Dave’s Daily Quotes

“I hope I don’t sound like an old-fashioned stick-in-the-mud, but when I hear about people making vast fortunes without doing any productive work or contributing anything to society, my reaction is: “How can I get in on that?” ~ Dave Barry

“I’ve noticed that one thing about parents is that no matter what stage your child is in, the parents who have older children always tell you the next stage is worse.” ~ Dave Barry

“These childhood memories — I have them often, but can usually keep them under control with the use of drugs.”~ Dave Barry

“In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it ‘Christmas’ and went to church; the Jews called it ‘Hanukkah’ and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank. People passing each other on the street would say ‘Merry Christmas!’ or ‘Happy Hanukkah!’ or (to the atheists) ‘Look…

“It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person’s plate.” ~ Dave Barry

“I used to believe in forever . . . but forever was too good to be true.” ~ Winnie the Pooh, A.A. Milne

“Camping is nature’s way of promoting the motel business.” ~ Dave Barry

“And by and by Christopher Robin came to an end of things, and he was silent, and he sat there, looking out over the world, just wishing it wouldn’t stop.” ~ Winnie the Pooh, A.A. Milne

“Today’s scientific question is: What in the world is electricity? And where does it go after it leaves the toaster?” ~ Dave Barry

“Always watch where you are going. Otherwise, you may step on a piece of the Forest that was left out by mistake.” ~ by Winnie the Pooh, ~ A. A. Milne

“Hobbies of any kind are boring except to people who have the same hobby. (This is also true of religion, although you will not find me saying so in print.)” ~ Dave Barry

“Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.” ~ Dave Barry

“You can’t stay in your corner of the Forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes.” ~ by Winnie the Pooh, ~ A. A. Milne

“What happens if a big asteroid hits Earth? Judging from realistic simulations involving a sledge hammer and a common laboratory frog, we can assume it will be pretty bad.” ~ Dave Barry

“Those who are clever, who have a Brain, never understand anything.” ~ by Winnie the Pooh, ~ A. A. Milne

“Back then, the entire Internet consisted of two slow, boxcar-sized UNIVAC computers about 50 feet apart, connected by a wire. It would take one of these computers an entire day to send an email to the other one, which would immediately delete it, because it was a Viagra ad.” ~ Dave Barry

“To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.” ~ by Winnie the Pooh, ~ A. A. Milne

“I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don’t even invite me.” ~ Dave Barry

“When you are a Bear of Very Little Brain, and Think of Things, you find sometimes that a Thing which seemed very Thingish inside you is quite different when it gets out into the open and has other people looking at it.” ~ by Winnie the Pooh, ~ A. A. Milne

“The word Aerobics comes from two Greek words: aero, meaning ‘ability to,’ and bics, meaning ‘withstand tremendous boredom.’” ~ Dave Barry

“If the person you are talking to doesn’t appear to be listening, be patient. It may simply be that he has a small piece of fluff in his ear.” ~ by Winnie the Pooh, ~ A. A. Milne

“You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, ‘My God, you’re right! I never would’ve thought of that!” ~ Dave Barry

“Sometimes, if you stand on the bottom rail of a bridge and lean over to watch the river slipping slowly away beneath you, you will suddenly know everything there is to be known.” ~ by Winnie the Pooh, ~ A. A. Milne

“Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world.” ~ Dave Barry

“Poetry and Hums aren’t things which you get, they’re things which get you. And all you can do is go where they can find you.” ~ by Winnie the Pooh, ~ A. A. Milne