Dave’s Daily Quotes

“So, do you live around here often? ~ Steven Wright”

“It’s a small world, but I wouldn’t want to have to paint it.” ~ Steven Wright

“If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?” ~ Steven Wright

“If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?” ~ Steven Wright

“If you can’t hear me, it’s because I’m in parentheses.” ~ Steven Wright

“If God dropped acid, would he see people?” ~ Steven Wright

“I went to a restaurant that serves ‘breakfast at any time.’ So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.” ~ Steven Wright

“I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.” ~ Steven Wright

“I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.” ~ Steven Wright

“I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side.” ~ Steven Wright

“I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.” ~ Steven Wright

“I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.” ~ Steven Wright

“How young can you die of old age?”  ~ Steven Wright

“Hermits have no peer pressure.” ~ Steven Wright

“Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.” ~ Steven Wright

“Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don’t get it.” ~ Steven Wright

“Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?” ~ Steven Wright

“Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.”  ~ Steven Wright

“I am nobody.  Nobody is perfect.  Therefore, I must be perfect!” ~ Anonymous

I’m gonna live forever, or die trying.” ~ Joseph Heller

“All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.” – Spike Milligan

“Make crime pay. Become a Lawyer.” – Will Rogers

“There’s no disaster that can’t become a blessing, and no blessing that can’t become a disaster” ~ Richard Bach

“The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans are suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they’re okay, then it’s you.” ~ Rita Mae Brown

“I can resist everything except temptation.” ~ Oscar Wilde