Dave’s Daily Quotes

The meaning of life is not an unquestionable answer; it is an unanswerable question. ~ Terri Guillemets

My father used to play with my brother and me in the yard. Mother would come out and say, “You’re tearing up the grass.” “We’re not raising grass,” Dad would reply. “We’re raising boys.” ~ Harmon Killebrew

What’s this about rice milk? I didn’t even know rice had nipples! ~ Demetri Martin

Please be advised I am sick of receiving questions about my dog who mauled 3 Muslims, 6 illegals wearing Obama t-shirts, 4 Democrats wearing Pelosi t-shirts, 2 rappers, 5 phone operators who asked me to press #1 for English, 9 teenagers with their pants hanging down past their cracks, 8 customer service people speaking in…

Never give the devil a ride — he will always want to drive.

Blessed by Jesus–spoiled by my wife.

If your feet smell and your nose runs, you’ve been made upside-down.

What did Adam say on the day before Christmas? It’s Christmas, Eve.

ELF NO. 1:  What did Santa shout to his toys on Christmas Eve? ELF NO. 2:  Okay everyone, sack time!!

May your life be like toilet paper… Long and useful.

Alone, adj.:  In bad company

I am becoming increasingly worried that there isn’t enough anxiety in my life.    ++

There are three ingredients to the good life; learning, earning, and yearning. ~ Christopher Morley

Atheism is rather in the lip than in the heart of Man. ~ Francis Bacon

Boys do not grow up gradually. They move forward in spurts like the hands of clocks in railway stations. ~ Cyril Connolly

Oh, for boyhood’s painless play, sleep that wakes in laughing day, health that mocks the doctor’s rules, knowledge never learned of schools. ~ John Greenleaf Whittier

Everybody pities the weak; jealousy you have to earn. ~ Arnold Schwarzenegger

What’s the difference between unique and very unique?

A little boy watched, fascinated, as his mother covered her face in cold cream. “Why do you do that?” he asked. “To make myself beautiful.” When she began to rub it off, the boy asked, “Why are you doing that? Did you give up?”

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. ~ Zig Ziglar

Sometimes being a brother is even better than being a superhero. ~ Marc Brown

President Obama was in India yesterday visiting our jobs. Tomorrow he goes to China to visit our money. ~ Jay Leno

There are 3 stages in a man’s life: ‘My Daddy can whip you Daddy.’ ‘Aw, Dad, you don’t know anything.’ ‘My father used to say . . .’ ~ Dwight McSmith

You don’t raise heroes, you raise sons. And if you treat them like sons, they’ll turn out to be heroes, even if it’s just in your own eyes. ~ Anonymous

A boy is the only thing that God can use to make a man. ~ Anonymous