Dave’s Daily Quotes

When suffering comes, we yearn for some sign from God, forgetting we have just had one. ~ Mignon McLaughlin

Freedom is not free, but the U.S. Marine Corps will pay most of your share. ~ Ned Dolan

Life is sometimes like Sundays in a strange town; one doesn’t know who to turn to. ~ Hildegaard Knef

The most difficult part of attaining perfection is finding something to do for an encore. ~ Anonymous

Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we’ve always had:  work, or prison. ~ Tim Allen

There’s still a double standard. The place where a woman sells herself is called a house of ill repute. The place where a man sells himself is called the House of Representatives.  ++

Conscious is being aware of something; conscience is wishing you weren’t.

I met a man who is  so narrow-minded, he only has one eyebrow.

Q. What is the difference between a battery and a spouse? A. A battery has a positive side.    ++

Televangelists: The Pro Wrestlers of religion.

If you hate your parents, the man or the establishment, don’t show them up by getting wasted and wrapping your car around a tree. If you really want to rebel against your parents:  out-earn them, out-live them, and know more than they do. ~ Henry Rollins

My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right. ~ Ashleigh Brilliant

Always try to do things in chronological order.

Don’t worry about temptation–as you grow older, it starts avoiding you. ~ Old Farmer’s Almanac

The mind is not a vessel to be filled but a fire to be kindled. — Plutarch     ++

The only difference between me and a madman is that I am not mad. ~ Salvador Dali

I used to be schizophrenic, but we’re OK now.    ++

All stressed out and no one to choke.

When it appears that you have killed the monster, *never* check to see if it’s really dead. If you find that your house is built upon or near a cemetery, was once a church that was used for black masses, had previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion,…

Is it time for your medication or mine?

Allow me to introduce my selves…  ++

Practice random acts of intelligence and senseless acts of self-control.

I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted paychecks.  ++

I’m not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.

Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things like, “You know sometimes I just forget to eat.” Now I’ve forgotten my address, my mother’s maiden name, and my keys. But I’ve never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat. A friend of mine confused her…