Dave’s Daily Quotes

Quit worrying about your health. It will go away. ~ Robert Orben

More than ever before, Americans are suffering from back problems: back taxes, back rent, back auto payments. ~ Robert Orben

Inflation is bringing us true democracy. For the first time in history, luxuries and necessities are selling at the same price. ~ Robert Orben

Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States.  Ask any Indian. ~ Robert Orben    ++

If you can laugh together, you can work together. ~ Robert Orben

Become a teacher.  Your country needs you. ~ Barack Obama

I like to pick up hitchhikers. When they get in the car I say, “Put on your seat belt. I want to try something. I saw it once in a cartoon, but I think I can do it.” ~ Steven Wright    ++

The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man. ~ George Bernard Shaw

When I found the skull in the woods, the first thing I did was call the police.  But then I got curious about it.  I picked it up, and started wondering who this person was, and why he had deer horns. ~ Jack Handey

Don’t go through life, GROW through life. ~ Eric Butterworth

I don’t understand you. You don’t understand me. What else do we have in common? ~ Ashleigh Brilliant

I’m not yet desperate enough to do anything about the conditions that are making me desperate. ~ Ashleigh Brilliant

If you know how, you’ll always have a job. If you know why, you’ll be the boss.

It’s not the employer who pays the wages. Employers only handle the money. It’s the customer who pays the wages. ~ Henry Ford

People who will lie for you, will lie to you.

The best time to save some money is when you have some.

Two Jesuit priests both wanted a cigarette while they prayed. They decided to ask their bishop for permission. The first asked but was told no. A little while later he spotted his friend smoking. “Why did the Bishop allow you to smoke and not me?” he asked. “Because you asked if you could smoke while…

Never underestimate the importance of money… it’s how business people keep score! Never overestimate the value of money… cash is important, but sometimes not as important as respect, thanks, integrity, or the thrill of a job well done. You can never have too many friends in business… given a choice always do business with a…

Imagine if there were no hypothetical situations… ~ John Mendosa  ++

If you have tried to do something and failed, you are far better off than if you had tried to do nothing and succeeded. ~ John T. Ragland, Jr.

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up women? Because a woman who can’t even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you.

Procrastinate Now!    ++

Women are like guns, keep one around long enough and you’re going to want to shoot it.

Let not the sands of time get in your lunch.

With every passing hour our solar system comes forty-three thousand miles closer to globular cluster 13 in the constellation Hercules, and still there are some misfits who continue to insist that there is no such thing as progress. ~ Ransom K. Ferm  ++