Dave’s Daily Quotes

There are more people who wish to be loved than there are who are willing to love. ~ Sébastien-Roch Nicolas De Chamfort

Advertising is selling by telling. ~ Gary B. Wright

Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers. ~ Richard Pryor

Time is a versatile performer. It flies, marches on, heals all wounds, runs out and will tell. ~ Franklin P. Jones

The first condition of immortality is death. ~ Stanislaw J. Lec

We have women in the military, but they don’t put us in the front lines. They don’t know if we can fight, if we can kill. I think we can. All the general has to do is walk over to the women and say, “You see the enemy over there? They say you look fat…

Too bad about the kamikaze pilots. They had to do all their bragging ahead of time. ~ Tommy Sledge

Walking across town tonight I looked up and saw a club marquee that said, “Live Nudes.”  I thought:  Good choice. ~ Tommy Sledge

Cured ham? No thanks pal.  Cured of what?  What if it has a relapse on my plate? ~ Tommy Sledge

How come when you mix water and flour together you get glue … and then you add eggs and sugar and you get cake? Where does the glue go? ~ Rita Rudner

Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow they may cancel your VISA.

Whiskey and Beer are a man’s worst enemies… but the man that runs away from his enemies is a coward!~  Zeca Pagodinho

A bottle of wine contains more philosophy than all the books in the world. ~ Louis Pasteur

Drink triple, see double, and act single.

I drink to make other people interesting. ~ Dave Barry

Whiskey’s too rough, Champagne costs too much, Vodka puts my mouth in gear. I hope this refrain, Will help me explain, As a matter of fact, I like beer. ~ Tom T. Hall

If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose. ~ Jack Handey

The most ineffective workers are systematically moved to the place where they can do the least damage: Management. ~ Scott Adams

Because we don’t think about future generations, they will never forget us. ~ Henrik Tikkanen

Another way to solve the traffic problems of this country is to pass a law that only paid-for cars be allowed to use the highways.  ~ Will Rogers

A pedestrian is someone who thought there were a couple of gallons left in the tank.

It’s better to have beer in hand than gas in tank.

The Miss Universe pageant is fixed. All the winners are from Earth.

The memory of bad quality lasts longer than the shock of high prices.

The economy depends about as much on economists as the weather does on forecasters. ~ Jean-Paul Kauffmann